Get Jacked There is a lot I want to comment about, firstly, the idea is definately not well thought of. Something more complex would be nicer.
Next you have already have main idea of drawing, just that I know your using a computer mouse to draw. It feels kind of akward drawing like that. Try find a digital drawing tablet, it simulates pen movements smoothly.
Lastly, try to voice act in a more quieter area, I can hear voices in the background.
I think you have potential though, a lot of potential actually.
Hope you luck in the future.